Yeah! New rules, new title, new story! It's not anymore about me, Walrus Eggman! It's about my author.
My author is a son of a bitch who was raised by whores in San Francisco. Even as a child he began to reveal his dangerous, psychopathic personality, which led him into a series of fictional characters massacres back in the 90s. Rehabilitated after a long...
But wait... If I talk about no one else but Him, I'm not denying his existence. OK, I'll write nothing more about my author. He has never existed. I'm my own author.
And I'm tired of these stories... The old scheme - comments on news - is way better for the development of my ability to write in English, the sole purpose of this blasted blog.
Monday, December 22, 2008
The Story of Walrus Eggman 14
-- YEAH! Now I'm the one in charge! No author to ever kill me again! I'm holding a lantern and shouting: "I've killed God! I've killed God!". That bloody author was a serial killer of a single person: me! What was on his mind? Did he think anyone would enjoy a story of meaningless deaths? Oh well, it doesn't matter. What matters now is that I am in charge of my own life!
The Story of Walrus Eggman 12
-- What's the point of dying again and again, if I can't remember my previous lives?
Walrus Eggman dies again, killed by his own author, which has been surprised by the fact that his character could remember his previous lives.
Walrus Eggman dies again, killed by his own author, which has been surprised by the fact that his character could remember his previous lives.
The Story of Walrus Eggman 11
-- I can't die again! Why do I keep dying all the time? Is it some illness of my soul? A flaw in God's work? I have to change the CD in the radio...
Distracted from the road while changing the music, Walrus Eggman smashed his car againt a tree. He didn't die right away. A week of pain inside a hospital before the end of this chapter.
Distracted from the road while changing the music, Walrus Eggman smashed his car againt a tree. He didn't die right away. A week of pain inside a hospital before the end of this chapter.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Scientists prove humanity sucks
Yeah, that's it. Scientists have found strong evidence to support what I always knew: the human being is a crawling contraption designed to the sole purpose of inflicting pain upon its own species; the apex of Nature's creativity, as it is life capable of denying the very rules which no other living being ever broke.
Studies show that, under certain conditions, ANY person can behave as an instrument of evil. All that is required is an order and the belief in the legitimacy of the person issuing the command. In a recreation of the classic Stanley Milgram's experiment, an absolute majority of test subjects were (again) incapable of questioning a fake experiment in which they were led to believe they were applying increasingly stronger electric shocks to another person, trusting the absolute legitimacy currently owned by Science and guys in white coats. Now THAT's how Hitler did what he did.
I'm not in the mood to create a logical sequence between the first and the second paragraphs of this post, so just pretend the connection is there. And I'm sorry there are absolutely no jokes in this post, but the news are grim indeed, if a bit old, are they not, oh friend who treads under the storms of the darkest of nights?
This bunch of crap came from here.
Studies show that, under certain conditions, ANY person can behave as an instrument of evil. All that is required is an order and the belief in the legitimacy of the person issuing the command. In a recreation of the classic Stanley Milgram's experiment, an absolute majority of test subjects were (again) incapable of questioning a fake experiment in which they were led to believe they were applying increasingly stronger electric shocks to another person, trusting the absolute legitimacy currently owned by Science and guys in white coats. Now THAT's how Hitler did what he did.
I'm not in the mood to create a logical sequence between the first and the second paragraphs of this post, so just pretend the connection is there. And I'm sorry there are absolutely no jokes in this post, but the news are grim indeed, if a bit old, are they not, oh friend who treads under the storms of the darkest of nights?
This bunch of crap came from here.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The Story of Walrus Eggman 10
Walrus Eggman was on the passenger seat of a black Buick. When the car entered a tunnel, a guy in the backseat pulled out a violin string and choked Mr. Eggman to death.
The Story of Walrus Eggman 9
After a massive amount of rhyming, Walrus Eggman recruited more than five thousand followers. They've wandered across the country, trying to reach the city of New Yolk. Their path was curvy and much longer than it could have been, for they would recruit many in their wandering.
One day, they've saw the skyscrapers in the horizon, and rushed towards their destination, singing joyful songs: "We arrive to the Holy Land/ Our fates firm in hand/ To bring all to light/ Unafraid to join the fight".
When they were about to reach the urban region, a shot silenced the crowd and Walrus Eggman fell down mortally wounded. His closer disciple approached him, trying to hear his master's last words. Between gasps and coughs, Walrus Eggman uttered the words: "Oh no, not again!" and his eyes stopped moving.
One day, they've saw the skyscrapers in the horizon, and rushed towards their destination, singing joyful songs: "We arrive to the Holy Land/ Our fates firm in hand/ To bring all to light/ Unafraid to join the fight".
When they were about to reach the urban region, a shot silenced the crowd and Walrus Eggman fell down mortally wounded. His closer disciple approached him, trying to hear his master's last words. Between gasps and coughs, Walrus Eggman uttered the words: "Oh no, not again!" and his eyes stopped moving.
The Story of Walrus Eggman 8
A man was preaching in a busy street:
-- Thrice I have seen the light
So powerful it was I've lost my sight!
The man had a ribbon wrapped around his eyes. He continued his preaching:
-- Worry not, thou, my eyes aren't needed anymore!
For I see now more than I ever saw before!
Pointing an elegant man passing by:
-- You! I see you're troubled in your sleep
By the ghosts of the ones you've made weep!
Flee from me if I lie
Flee from me and I can die
The elegantly dressed man stopped and began watching the crazed preacher, who was now pointing at a beautiful woman, and saying:
-- You! You're chained by your looks!
Unable to eat except in carats
Distasteful life thou lead
Join me for I am mead
The woman stopped her petulant walk and began listening to the preacher. To an old man he said:
-- Evident in thee is the weight of years
Thou feel pierced by a thousand spears
Allow me to soothe thy pain
Bliss upon thee falling like rain
-- Thrice I have seen the light
So powerful it was I've lost my sight!
The man had a ribbon wrapped around his eyes. He continued his preaching:
-- Worry not, thou, my eyes aren't needed anymore!
For I see now more than I ever saw before!
Pointing an elegant man passing by:
-- You! I see you're troubled in your sleep
By the ghosts of the ones you've made weep!
Flee from me if I lie
Flee from me and I can die
The elegantly dressed man stopped and began watching the crazed preacher, who was now pointing at a beautiful woman, and saying:
-- You! You're chained by your looks!
Unable to eat except in carats
Distasteful life thou lead
Join me for I am mead
The woman stopped her petulant walk and began listening to the preacher. To an old man he said:
-- Evident in thee is the weight of years
Thou feel pierced by a thousand spears
Allow me to soothe thy pain
Bliss upon thee falling like rain
The Story of Walrus Eggman 7
Years later, Walrus Eggman was watching some news program. Apparently, about eight planes had been hijacked and were being thrown against important buildings. Twenty thousand deaths.
He went to the fridge and got some beer. As he closed the door, a shot resounded and he fell dead, spilling the beer all over the floor.
He went to the fridge and got some beer. As he closed the door, a shot resounded and he fell dead, spilling the beer all over the floor.
The Story of Walrus Eggman 6
Once on the sidewalk, Walrus Eggman looked up to the square shaped sky. A long sigh later, he began walking slowly, enjoying every step, like a XIXth century miner after crawling away from mining tunnels. A pigeon bombarded Mr. Eggman, unaware of the happiness it was shattering. He went to a public restroom and tried to clean the mess as best as he could.
While facing himself in the mirror, he saw a man entering the place. As the man passed by him, he heard a shot and, in a few moments, everything went dark.
Walrus Eggman was dead.
While facing himself in the mirror, he saw a man entering the place. As the man passed by him, he heard a shot and, in a few moments, everything went dark.
Walrus Eggman was dead.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The Story of Walrus Eggman 5
-- These results could be better, Walrus. I feel something is bothering you, you're not performing as you should. Is something wrong back home?
-- No, everything is fine.
-- Are you unsatisfied with your percentage?
-- No, that's not it... Of course, a greater percentage wouldn't hurt.
-- Forget it... what is your problem then?
-- I don't know...
-- What do you mean by "I don't know"? How can you not know?
-- I don't want YOU to know.
-- Mr. Eggman!
-- Yeah, I'm quitting this lousy job!
-- Hey, wait, I'm sure we can come to an agreement...
-- No, we can't! Shove your percentage up your ass!
-- Mr. Eggman, I'm asking you to leave.
-- No need yo ask twice!
[poc, poc, poc, poc, slam!]
-- No, everything is fine.
-- Are you unsatisfied with your percentage?
-- No, that's not it... Of course, a greater percentage wouldn't hurt.
-- Forget it... what is your problem then?
-- I don't know...
-- What do you mean by "I don't know"? How can you not know?
-- I don't want YOU to know.
-- Mr. Eggman!
-- Yeah, I'm quitting this lousy job!
-- Hey, wait, I'm sure we can come to an agreement...
-- No, we can't! Shove your percentage up your ass!
-- Mr. Eggman, I'm asking you to leave.
-- No need yo ask twice!
[poc, poc, poc, poc, slam!]
The Story of Walrus Eggman 4
If you somehow come across a Sphinx, and it asks you a question as a chance to spare your life, and the question is: "When crossing a bridge, which step is the most important? The first, the current or the last?", answer "the current step". I don't know why, it just seems right.
Now that we've explained the steps that many would consider to be the first and the last, we can focus on the current step, months before Walrus Eggman demise.
Our hero was having breakfast and reading about some flood in Indonesia. He wasn't paying much attention to the reading itself, wondering about the fact the never in human history we were so conscious of the entire world. He considered we could be wrong, that we were as clueless as ever; in ancient times, the world was smaller, and people must have had the same impression. Nowadays, we're yet bound to the universe we know, despite our awareness of the existence of other stars and planets, just like Romans were aware of China.
He was interrupted by his children saying goodbye to go to school. He had lost the thread, thou, and never has he continued his reasoning. Eventually he would have discovered the very meaning of life, but now it was forever lost to him. He finished breakfast, brushed his teeth and went to work.
Now that we've explained the steps that many would consider to be the first and the last, we can focus on the current step, months before Walrus Eggman demise.
Our hero was having breakfast and reading about some flood in Indonesia. He wasn't paying much attention to the reading itself, wondering about the fact the never in human history we were so conscious of the entire world. He considered we could be wrong, that we were as clueless as ever; in ancient times, the world was smaller, and people must have had the same impression. Nowadays, we're yet bound to the universe we know, despite our awareness of the existence of other stars and planets, just like Romans were aware of China.
He was interrupted by his children saying goodbye to go to school. He had lost the thread, thou, and never has he continued his reasoning. Eventually he would have discovered the very meaning of life, but now it was forever lost to him. He finished breakfast, brushed his teeth and went to work.
The Story of Walrus Eggman 3
A few months later, the woman gave birth. It wasn't a girl, despite all her prayers. They've named the boy Walrus Eggman. The ugliest baby ever seen he was. Thankfully, his name was worse, so no one payed much attention to the boy's features.
The boy grew amidst the hardships of his ugly face and according name. But he had some brains, and was well liked by his schoolmates, except for the bullies (but they like no one, anyway).
Walrus Eggman became a lawyer, one of the best.
The boy grew amidst the hardships of his ugly face and according name. But he had some brains, and was well liked by his schoolmates, except for the bullies (but they like no one, anyway).
Walrus Eggman became a lawyer, one of the best.
The Story of Walrus Eggman 2
-- I want to name him John after my father, Jack!
-- Oh no, that name is too common for a son of mine! Common names are for common people!
-- Do you want our boy to be uncommon?
-- Out of the ordinary, yes!
-- But that can be bad!
-- And it also can be better! No one gets rich and important with a gray, uncolored label!
-- OK, so which name do you suggest?
"I am the Walrus" was playing on the radio.
-- Got it! Walrus Eggman!
-- Jesus Christ! And what if I'm carrying a girl, would you name her "Eleanor Rigby"?
-- The name's Eggman. Walrus Eggman.
"A boy named Sue" was playing on the radio.
-- Do you understand how much he'll suffer because of that awful name?
-- He'll thank me in the end.
-- Perhaps he'll spare your life in the end, not thank you! Name him Bill, or George, any damn thing but Walrus Eggman...
-- It's final. My son's name will be Walrus Eggman. And if it's a girl, I'll let you choose a name.
-- Oh no, that name is too common for a son of mine! Common names are for common people!
-- Do you want our boy to be uncommon?
-- Out of the ordinary, yes!
-- But that can be bad!
-- And it also can be better! No one gets rich and important with a gray, uncolored label!
-- OK, so which name do you suggest?
"I am the Walrus" was playing on the radio.
-- Got it! Walrus Eggman!
-- Jesus Christ! And what if I'm carrying a girl, would you name her "Eleanor Rigby"?
-- The name's Eggman. Walrus Eggman.
"A boy named Sue" was playing on the radio.
-- Do you understand how much he'll suffer because of that awful name?
-- He'll thank me in the end.
-- Perhaps he'll spare your life in the end, not thank you! Name him Bill, or George, any damn thing but Walrus Eggman...
-- It's final. My son's name will be Walrus Eggman. And if it's a girl, I'll let you choose a name.
The Story of Walrus Eggman 1
Sore throats sung a song of rage and sacrifice. Spears clashed against shields as the horses rode along the line, boosting the courage of ugly, faceless men, eager to kill and likely to die. An imposing figurehead, either a king or any hairy leader cries for freedom and tells the men to hold the line, waiting until the impossible odds approach. Some smart stunt happens, like rolling tree logs on fire or flaming arrows to light some inflammable substance placed on the ground were the enemy treads. The two armies clash, the enemy leader wounds an important character; the hairy leader of the good guys gets mad and kills the enemy leader. A few moments later, a victory warcry.
Tired of the movie (I can't recall which one it was), Walrus Eggman leaves the theater; a very typical one, actually, with popcorn on the floor and a corner where a child spilled some beverage. It's nighttime. His eyes were unaccustomed with the lights of the hall. A strong desire of taking a leak led Mr. Eggman towards the men's room.
Walrus Eggman is peeing when a silenced shot ends his life.
Tired of the movie (I can't recall which one it was), Walrus Eggman leaves the theater; a very typical one, actually, with popcorn on the floor and a corner where a child spilled some beverage. It's nighttime. His eyes were unaccustomed with the lights of the hall. A strong desire of taking a leak led Mr. Eggman towards the men's room.
Walrus Eggman is peeing when a silenced shot ends his life.
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