La Paz, 6th of August, my 64th birthday -
I was supposed to write about the military bases we're yet to set up in Colombia, but unfortunately I've accidentally ended up in La Paz-Bolivia. My bad!
However, since I was stuck there, I thought it would be a good idea to celebrate my birthday in that quaint little village of La Paz, named after El Paso, TX. The locals had arranged a hell of a party for me, as they believed me to be their god or something. They've brought me golden objects and bowls of food, placing them at my feet.
Beautiful latinas served me grapes and sang for me as I slept. That's the kind of welcome we Americans should receive from our subjects all around the world!
The downside were the various kinds of insects bugging me all the time, as well as the infernal heat in the brief shift changes between the women fanning me.
A beautiful cake was served. When I blew the candles, BANG! Everything went dark...
I woke up in the dirtiest bathroom in the whole southern hemisphere. Shackles held me to the ground and I couldn't walk more than five feet. I thought I had become another victim of Jigsaw or something...
After several hours in the dim light, a tiny latin man approached me. He uttered many incomprehensible words in a language I thought to be Quechua, something like "Carahoe, un green go". Then he tried a few words in English with an outrageous accent "You're our hostage! Your government will pay us many money as ransom! We'll record a video slitting your throat and they will pay us!"
A luminous idea poped up on my mind "Your plan won't work, amigo! If you slit my throat, the U.S. will have no reason to pay you anything because I'll be dead!" My captor got quite nervous since he realized his plan wouldn't work.
Finally, they've set me free in a crowded place and I've never saw them again. I've got on a plane and here I am now, safe and sound. I've felt like Ulysses in his Odyssey, subduing brute force with keen wits. An amusing trip mine was.
Friday, August 7, 2009
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