Darkness reigns

Oh, what a quaint little tale my foolish twin has weaved. So he thinks we're all light to shine the darkness all around us? There is only darkness. We are not a steady building shining more or less over the same area for many years, ready to share our visions with our neighbors. We're men with a torch walking in the dark, lighting but the smallest fraction of the world and leaving behind a trail of darkness, the fastest growing herb. The cavern is everywhere we go.

A little chat

Two weeks ago, I've met the One With Many Names. We talked for hours. I asked him what his true name was; he didn't reply. I've insisted on the question, and he started raging, screaming, burning everything in his way. I've asked him if he didn't like talking about his True Name because of some weird hocus pocus effect, or if it was to avoid being detected by God.

He answered, infuriated: "The True Name of a being is the greatest source of power one can posess over that being. Were you to know my True Name, you would be my Master, and I would be your slave. You would become my God; you would be wherever I would be, you would know whatever I know, you would be able to do with me anything your wicked mind could conjure up. I retain an obsessive consideration for myself, y'see; I won't part with my soul to any fool, and everything else may burn. When humans were created, I would continue to worry only with the conservation of my immortality, and should your foul race disappear, I'll try to hold any of you from reaching the dullness of Paradise."

He's a renegade, I wondered. Someone to be pitied. Clever we have been to deny him influence over our fate, but he may have some truth yet to part with us about our sponsors up above.

Powerful beings

A powerful being is one who can enforce other beings to behave against their own interests. Even more powerful is one who can enchant weaker minds in the illusion that they are helping themselves, when they're actually doing the bidding of the more powerful being.

Thus is God explained, or at least the Demiurge who is channeling the souls of our dead to fuel his immortality.

I intend to replace him. Nham!

Anticristo, a movie after my own heart

Despite the fact that it was not made by fellow Americans, this Anticristo movie, by Lars von Trier, is one of the most touching and beautiful odes to mankind. Kudos, von Trier!

I simply couldn't hold back tears of approval when a computer rendered fox, feasting on its own bowels, paid homage to the fundamental principle of the Universe and uttered the words: "Chaos reigns". Indeed, chaos reigns, and order is but a possibility in the infinite myriad of realities; if anything, the existence of order only makes chaos tastier and more shocking - chaos creates order, order creates the fox and its bowels, chaos makes the fox eat its own body, thus perverting everything more than ever.

(the blank space below can be read by selecting the text, though I strongly advise the faint of heart not to do so)

SPOILER ALERT ON
The obvious apex of the Anticristo experience is when the woman cuts away her... self with a pair of scissors, after unearthing her half-dead husband, buried after she pierced his leg with and iron bar and jerked him off for a bloody ejaculation.
SPOILER ALERT OFF

I didn't think the director would have the guts to show all of this, but he did; the camera never deviated to spare the faint-hearted viewer. Kudos, von Trier! Not many people share your stomach for absolutely horrific images. I do.

Unfortunately, the fool which I inhabit couldn't watch your nightmare and changed the channel, so I can't say more than I already have: the movie is awesome. Keep up the good work!

So...

Sith teachings...

... are remarkably similar to self-help!

"Peace is a lie. There is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me."

"Equality is a lie…A myth to appease the masses. Simply look around and you will see the lie for what it is! There are those with power, those with the strength and will to lead. And there are those meant to follow—those incapable of anything but servitude and a meager, worthless existence.

Equality is a perversion of the natural order!…It binds the strong to the weak. They become anchors that drag the exceptional down to mediocrity. Individuals destined and deserving of greatness have it denied them. They suffer for the sake of keeping them even with their inferiors.

Equality is a chain, like obedience. Like fear or uncertainty or self doubt."

Got it!

We are the stupidest beings of the Universe; every amoeba, every atom, every star knows its purpose and its future. We do not. All things in the Universe, except us, do everything as though they knew what they are doing. We, on the other hand, live in a constant ecstasy, from discovery to discovery, like foreigners arriving to a strange place and impressed by things which are considered ordinary by the natives. Is there any doubt for a lion chasing its prey? Is there any doubt for a star emitting energy to space? Is there any doubt for an atom blowing itself up, blowing other atoms in chain reaction and, soon, an entire city? Does it have conscience crisis? Does it ponder why is it doing what it is doing? Is it amazed by something beautiful? Unlikely.

It is no surprise we conjure up gods and myths: to explain why we are so ignorant while the rest of the Universe is not. We are special, that is a fact; but religions always thought we were superior because of it. We are not. We are the only ones with things yet to discover and so we are the only ones who ignore parts of reality. Everything else is omniscient. Everything else follows the rules of the Universe, because they are known. We do not know our laws, we do not know how or why do we function. The only law we know is that we are going to die someday; in practice, however, we live as if we did not know that law, as if it did not exist. And we try to deny it at all costs.

We believe that we are creators, that we invent things which did not exist before. Perhaps that is true; but our creativity is pale in comparison with that of the Universe; perhaps we only copy it. We are nothing more than a shell believing itself to be an ocean because of the feeble imitation of sea sound.

Someone would say the fact that we are special in our ignorance is reason enough for praise. No, it is not. The Universe, in its infinite ability to create, designed even the human mind, this vacuum of cosmic conscience.

U.S. Military Bases in Colombia

La Paz, 6th of August, my 64th birthday -

I was supposed to write about the military bases we're yet to set up in Colombia, but unfortunately I've accidentally ended up in La Paz-Bolivia. My bad!

However, since I was stuck there, I thought it would be a good idea to celebrate my birthday in that quaint little village of La Paz, named after El Paso, TX. The locals had arranged a hell of a party for me, as they believed me to be their god or something. They've brought me golden objects and bowls of food, placing them at my feet.

Beautiful latinas served me grapes and sang for me as I slept. That's the kind of welcome we Americans should receive from our subjects all around the world!

The downside were the various kinds of insects bugging me all the time, as well as the infernal heat in the brief shift changes between the women fanning me.

A beautiful cake was served. When I blew the candles, BANG! Everything went dark...

I woke up in the dirtiest bathroom in the whole southern hemisphere. Shackles held me to the ground and I couldn't walk more than five feet. I thought I had become another victim of Jigsaw or something...

After several hours in the dim light, a tiny latin man approached me. He uttered many incomprehensible words in a language I thought to be Quechua, something like "Carahoe, un green go". Then he tried a few words in English with an outrageous accent "You're our hostage! Your government will pay us many money as ransom! We'll record a video slitting your throat and they will pay us!"

A luminous idea poped up on my mind "Your plan won't work, amigo! If you slit my throat, the U.S. will have no reason to pay you anything because I'll be dead!" My captor got quite nervous since he realized his plan wouldn't work.

Finally, they've set me free in a crowded place and I've never saw them again. I've got on a plane and here I am now, safe and sound. I've felt like Ulysses in his Odyssey, subduing brute force with keen wits. An amusing trip mine was.

The Sunscreen Myth

This revolutionary approach to the whole concept of sunscreen may put my own life at risk, as I'll be challenging a powerful industry by revealing these facts to the public (alas, a public of two people, but, anyway...). The beautiful game of capitalism has those little setbacks: they might take my life to keep my mouth shut. That's why people who reveal secrets should make use of pseudonyms. This morning, while I was showering, I realized I could no longer hold back this inconvenient truth. One of the rarest phenomena in the Universe, I might add, a person like me, a ruthless conqueror, casting aside his ego.

In direct and simple terms, I'll express the leitmotif of these revelations: SUNSCREENS DO NOT WORK, I repeat, SUNSCREENS DO NOT WORK AND ARE THE MAIN CAUSE FOR THE GREAT INCREASE OF SKIN CANCER CASES IN THE LAST DECADE.

Right, some proof is required after a sentence like that. Very well... I'll give you a list of strong evidences.

Before that, however, let's assume a fact that you may or may not regard as true: THE HOLE IN THE OZONE LAYER IS A LIE perpetrated by leftist vegans who want to undermine capitalism's capacity to generate wealth. Again, it doesn't matter if you believe that or not, it's just a background for the series of arguments I'll be developing.

The Ozone Layer lie is perpetrated by leftist vegans only? I now have found strong evidence that not only these idealistic children are interested in the idea that the Sun will burn us down to ashes, but also SUNSCREEN industries! They've designed and forged evidences to that theory and anonymously released it to the public, through the press and a few selected individuals spread around the globe. The hysteria took place and everyone went looking for a solution.

The solution found? SUNSCREEN, a product that (allegedly) protects against harmful Sun rays. But is it a product really efficient against Sun rays? As far as statistics can talk, they deny that fact. As the number of cases of skin cancer has increased dramatically in the last years, the number of people using sunscreen has grown larger than ever. Would the skin cancer jump be explained by the supposed hole on the ozone layer? Or by the use an unproven and possibly innocuous cream that gives us carte blanche to spend several hours in the Sun?

Is it too wicked for a human being to invent a cream which only alleviates the symptoms of Sun burns, denying the skin its own process of healing and the pain which makes us extra careful with the affected areas? Is it too far-fetched? Germans felt the same way about concentration camps.

A conclusion we can arrive to after these arguments: SUNSCREENS have helped to increase the number of skin cancers, because they offer palliative relief from Sun burns and let us spend several hours unprotected under the King Star.

Scientific evidence also suggests that sunscreens block the buildup of vitamin D when they block the ultraviolet radiation. Vitamin D, as recent studies have shown, prevents up to 77 forms of cancer in women. On the other hand, the toxic ingredients of sunscreens are carcinogenic on their own, and were never tested or approved by the FDA.

A naive teacher once held a speech encouraging newly graduates to wear sunscreen because of the death of his wife by skin cancer, along with other aesthetic truths. Why did that speech become known in the four corners of the Earth? Sunscreen industries loved it, as it could have easily been the text for a (long) advertisement campaign.

After these ideas I've humbly tried to plant on your minds, judge for yourself:

Evil Morales expels U.S. diplomat

Evil Morales, the little dictator of one of the insignificant southern countries which weight America down, Burdenlivia, declared one of our diplomats "persona non grata", expelling him from from his office last monday. Apparently, the diplomat was plotting against the dictator, which is evidently true. Nonetheless, we feel extremely disrespected by the action, not only because he considered one of our own worse than his third-world countrymen, but because we'll end up with another Mexican inside our borders - the newest Bolivia's "persona non grata" is called Francisco Martinez.


By the way, how do we let a Mexican occupy one of our most important public functions? How do we let a foreigner speak for us in the outside world? No wonder everyone hates America! If true Americans were doing that job, the world would have no choice but to bow down to our will.

May a 21th century's General Custer step forward and shoot down that bloody indian! We're being too compassionate with South America, because of more pressing matters overseas. Now that the War on Terror is implemented and well on its way to a victorious closing, we may once again look down to our geographic step stool and remove the leftist governments which plagued the region for the last decade. Our bases in the New World must be strong before we can jump to the domination of Eurasia.

Clearly Barack Osama has a dim comprehension of these facts. Fortunally, his comprehension of anything is dim, so he won't be able to deconstruct anything erected by Caesar W. Bush. Let's sit and wait for the final takeover. Even now, plans are being made, and it won't be long before they're put in motion.
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Those unaware of the Easter Bunny threat should click here.

Jim Morrison is dead!

Jim Morrison was just found dead in a cemetery in Paris. Apparently, he has suffocated under tons of offerings which were placed over his grave by thousands of fans all around the world. The French police has no clue as to when the death occurred, only that it was about three days ago. Millions of fans have already paid their last tribute to the rockstar, who enchanted generations with his vibrant and yet sad songs.

James Douglas Morrison, as his mother used to call him, was born in Melbourne, FL, in 1943. He was the lead singer and composer for one of the greatest phenomena in rock history, the band known as The Doors. Songs like Spanish Caravan, Light my Fire, People Are Strange and House of the Rising Sun certainly won't be forgotten by his fans all around the world.

The funeral is being held in the chapel of the cemetery. His comrades from The Doors rendered tribute to the great composer earlier this morning, as well as many celebrities from various branches of the art industry, all connected by the same feeling of irreparable loss. Jim Morrison was widely known by his outstanding ability to form bonds with people around him, and now is a moment when this ability reveals itself in a palpable way.

May his soul finally find the peace it was denied in life.
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For early Summer fun, click here.

One More Lousy Blog is back!

Straight from the ashes we rise again with our usual and meaningless ways of employing the slavers' language, this lower form of German we're used to call "English".

As we have predicted before, Barack Obama has become the new President of the World. This outstanding prediction should place us from OMLB at a top-notch position as political analysts and intellectuals, amongst other renowned names, such as Noam Chomsky, Eric Hobsbawm, Joseph Stiglitz, Deepak Chopra, George Foreman and Dan Brown. It's only a matter of time before someone recognizes the indisputable value of our writings and decides to make a shitload of money for themselves and for us.

In a few days, we'll be posting all about the current economic crisis, which we ALSO have predicted long ago! If we HAD any money in stocks, we wouldn't have lost any of it! A pity no one paid heed to our constant warnings. So, keep comin' and we'll keep givin' ya tips ye won't forget!
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For late Christmas fun, click here

The Story of the Dead Author 1

Yeah! New rules, new title, new story! It's not anymore about me, Walrus Eggman! It's about my author.

My author is a son of a bitch who was raised by whores in San Francisco. Even as a child he began to reveal his dangerous, psychopathic personality, which led him into a series of fictional characters massacres back in the 90s. Rehabilitated after a long...

But wait... If I talk about no one else but Him, I'm not denying his existence. OK, I'll write nothing more about my author. He has never existed. I'm my own author.

And I'm tired of these stories... The old scheme - comments on news - is way better for the development of my ability to write in English, the sole purpose of this blasted blog.

The Story of Walrus Eggman 14

-- YEAH! Now I'm the one in charge! No author to ever kill me again! I'm holding a lantern and shouting: "I've killed God! I've killed God!". That bloody author was a serial killer of a single person: me! What was on his mind? Did he think anyone would enjoy a story of meaningless deaths? Oh well, it doesn't matter. What matters now is that I am in charge of my own life!

The Story of Walrus Eggman 13

Walrus Eggman...

-- DIE, AUTHOR, DIE!!!

...

The Story of Walrus Eggman 12

-- What's the point of dying again and again, if I can't remember my previous lives?

Walrus Eggman dies again, killed by his own author, which has been surprised by the fact that his character could remember his previous lives.

The Story of Walrus Eggman 11

-- I can't die again! Why do I keep dying all the time? Is it some illness of my soul? A flaw in God's work? I have to change the CD in the radio...

Distracted from the road while changing the music, Walrus Eggman smashed his car againt a tree. He didn't die right away. A week of pain inside a hospital before the end of this chapter.

Scientists prove humanity sucks

Yeah, that's it. Scientists have found strong evidence to support what I always knew: the human being is a crawling contraption designed to the sole purpose of inflicting pain upon its own species; the apex of Nature's creativity, as it is life capable of denying the very rules which no other living being ever broke.

Studies show that, under certain conditions, ANY person can behave as an instrument of evil. All that is required is an order and the belief in the legitimacy of the person issuing the command. In a recreation of the classic Stanley Milgram's experiment, an absolute majority of test subjects were (again) incapable of questioning a fake experiment in which they were led to believe they were applying increasingly stronger electric shocks to another person, trusting the absolute legitimacy currently owned by Science and guys in white coats. Now THAT's how Hitler did what he did.

I'm not in the mood to create a logical sequence between the first and the second paragraphs of this post, so just pretend the connection is there. And I'm sorry there are absolutely no jokes in this post, but the news are grim indeed, if a bit old, are they not, oh friend who treads under the storms of the darkest of nights?

This bunch of crap came from here.

The Story of Walrus Eggman 10

Walrus Eggman was on the passenger seat of a black Buick. When the car entered a tunnel, a guy in the backseat pulled out a violin string and choked Mr. Eggman to death.

The Story of Walrus Eggman 9

After a massive amount of rhyming, Walrus Eggman recruited more than five thousand followers. They've wandered across the country, trying to reach the city of New Yolk. Their path was curvy and much longer than it could have been, for they would recruit many in their wandering.

One day, they've saw the skyscrapers in the horizon, and rushed towards their destination, singing joyful songs: "We arrive to the Holy Land/ Our fates firm in hand/ To bring all to light/ Unafraid to join the fight".

When they were about to reach the urban region, a shot silenced the crowd and Walrus Eggman fell down mortally wounded. His closer disciple approached him, trying to hear his master's last words. Between gasps and coughs, Walrus Eggman uttered the words: "Oh no, not again!" and his eyes stopped moving.