The Story of Walrus Eggman 7

Years later, Walrus Eggman was watching some news program. Apparently, about eight planes had been hijacked and were being thrown against important buildings. Twenty thousand deaths.

He went to the fridge and got some beer. As he closed the door, a shot resounded and he fell dead, spilling the beer all over the floor.

The Story of Walrus Eggman 6

Once on the sidewalk, Walrus Eggman looked up to the square shaped sky. A long sigh later, he began walking slowly, enjoying every step, like a XIXth century miner after crawling away from mining tunnels. A pigeon bombarded Mr. Eggman, unaware of the happiness it was shattering. He went to a public restroom and tried to clean the mess as best as he could.

While facing himself in the mirror, he saw a man entering the place. As the man passed by him, he heard a shot and, in a few moments, everything went dark.

Walrus Eggman was dead.

The Story of Walrus Eggman 5

-- These results could be better, Walrus. I feel something is bothering you, you're not performing as you should. Is something wrong back home?
-- No, everything is fine.
-- Are you unsatisfied with your percentage?
-- No, that's not it... Of course, a greater percentage wouldn't hurt.
-- Forget it... what is your problem then?
-- I don't know...
-- What do you mean by "I don't know"? How can you not know?
-- I don't want YOU to know.
-- Mr. Eggman!
-- Yeah, I'm quitting this lousy job!
-- Hey, wait, I'm sure we can come to an agreement...
-- No, we can't! Shove your percentage up your ass!
-- Mr. Eggman, I'm asking you to leave.
-- No need yo ask twice!

[poc, poc, poc, poc, slam!]

The Story of Walrus Eggman 4

If you somehow come across a Sphinx, and it asks you a question as a chance to spare your life, and the question is: "When crossing a bridge, which step is the most important? The first, the current or the last?", answer "the current step". I don't know why, it just seems right.

Now that we've explained the steps that many would consider to be the first and the last, we can focus on the current step, months before Walrus Eggman demise.

Our hero was having breakfast and reading about some flood in Indonesia. He wasn't paying much attention to the reading itself, wondering about the fact the never in human history we were so conscious of the entire world. He considered we could be wrong, that we were as clueless as ever; in ancient times, the world was smaller, and people must have had the same impression. Nowadays, we're yet bound to the universe we know, despite our awareness of the existence of other stars and planets, just like Romans were aware of China.

He was interrupted by his children saying goodbye to go to school. He had lost the thread, thou, and never has he continued his reasoning. Eventually he would have discovered the very meaning of life, but now it was forever lost to him. He finished breakfast, brushed his teeth and went to work.

The Story of Walrus Eggman 3

A few months later, the woman gave birth. It wasn't a girl, despite all her prayers. They've named the boy Walrus Eggman. The ugliest baby ever seen he was. Thankfully, his name was worse, so no one payed much attention to the boy's features.

The boy grew amidst the hardships of his ugly face and according name. But he had some brains, and was well liked by his schoolmates, except for the bullies (but they like no one, anyway).

Walrus Eggman became a lawyer, one of the best.

The Story of Walrus Eggman 2

-- I want to name him John after my father, Jack!
-- Oh no, that name is too common for a son of mine! Common names are for common people!
-- Do you want our boy to be uncommon?
-- Out of the ordinary, yes!
-- But that can be bad!
-- And it also can be better! No one gets rich and important with a gray, uncolored label!
-- OK, so which name do you suggest?

"I am the Walrus" was playing on the radio.

-- Got it! Walrus Eggman!
-- Jesus Christ! And what if I'm carrying a girl, would you name her "Eleanor Rigby"?
-- The name's Eggman. Walrus Eggman.

"A boy named Sue" was playing on the radio.

-- Do you understand how much he'll suffer because of that awful name?
-- He'll thank me in the end.
-- Perhaps he'll spare your life in the end, not thank you! Name him Bill, or George, any damn thing but Walrus Eggman...
-- It's final. My son's name will be Walrus Eggman. And if it's a girl, I'll let you choose a name.

The Story of Walrus Eggman 1

Sore throats sung a song of rage and sacrifice. Spears clashed against shields as the horses rode along the line, boosting the courage of ugly, faceless men, eager to kill and likely to die. An imposing figurehead, either a king or any hairy leader cries for freedom and tells the men to hold the line, waiting until the impossible odds approach. Some smart stunt happens, like rolling tree logs on fire or flaming arrows to light some inflammable substance placed on the ground were the enemy treads. The two armies clash, the enemy leader wounds an important character; the hairy leader of the good guys gets mad and kills the enemy leader. A few moments later, a victory warcry.

Tired of the movie (I can't recall which one it was), Walrus Eggman leaves the theater; a very typical one, actually, with popcorn on the floor and a corner where a child spilled some beverage. It's nighttime. His eyes were unaccustomed with the lights of the hall. A strong desire of taking a leak led Mr. Eggman towards the men's room.

Walrus Eggman is peeing when a silenced shot ends his life.