Despite the fact that it was not made by fellow Americans, this Anticristo movie, by Lars von Trier, is one of the most touching and beautiful odes to mankind. Kudos, von Trier!
I simply couldn't hold back tears of approval when a computer rendered fox, feasting on its own bowels, paid homage to the fundamental principle of the Universe and uttered the words: "Chaos reigns". Indeed, chaos reigns, and order is but a possibility in the infinite myriad of realities; if anything, the existence of order only makes chaos tastier and more shocking - chaos creates order, order creates the fox and its bowels, chaos makes the fox eat its own body, thus perverting everything more than ever.
(the blank space below can be read by selecting the text, though I strongly advise the faint of heart not to do so) SPOILER ALERT ON The obvious apex of the Anticristo experience is when the woman cuts away her... self with a pair of scissors, after unearthing her half-dead husband, buried after she pierced his leg with and iron bar and jerked him off for a bloody ejaculation. SPOILER ALERT OFF
I didn't think the director would have the guts to show all of this, but he did; the camera never deviated to spare the faint-hearted viewer. Kudos, von Trier! Not many people share your stomach for absolutely horrific images. I do.
Unfortunately, the fool which I inhabit couldn't watch your nightmare and changed the channel, so I can't say more than I already have: the movie is awesome. Keep up the good work!
"Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me."
"Equality is a lie…A myth to appease the masses. Simply look around and you will see the lie for what it is! There are those with power, those with the strength and will to lead. And there are those meant to follow—those incapable of anything but servitude and a meager, worthless existence.
Equality is a perversion of the natural order!…It binds the strong to the weak. They become anchors that drag the exceptional down to mediocrity. Individuals destined and deserving of greatness have it denied them. They suffer for the sake of keeping them even with their inferiors.
Equality is a chain, like obedience. Like fear or uncertainty or self doubt."
We are the stupidest beings of the Universe; every amoeba, every atom, every star knows its purpose and its future. We do not. All things in the Universe, except us, do everything as though they knew what they are doing. We, on the other hand, live in a constant ecstasy, from discovery to discovery, like foreigners arriving to a strange place and impressed by things which are considered ordinary by the natives. Is there any doubt for a lion chasing its prey? Is there any doubt for a star emitting energy to space? Is there any doubt for an atom blowing itself up, blowing other atoms in chain reaction and, soon, an entire city? Does it have conscience crisis? Does it ponder why is it doing what it is doing? Is it amazed by something beautiful? Unlikely.
It is no surprise we conjure up gods and myths: to explain why we are so ignorant while the rest of the Universe is not. We are special, that is a fact; but religions always thought we were superior because of it. We are not. We are the only ones with things yet to discover and so we are the only ones who ignore parts of reality. Everything else is omniscient. Everything else follows the rules of the Universe, because they are known. We do not know our laws, we do not know how or why do we function. The only law we know is that we are going to die someday; in practice, however, we live as if we did not know that law, as if it did not exist. And we try to deny it at all costs.
We believe that we are creators, that we invent things which did not exist before. Perhaps that is true; but our creativity is pale in comparison with that of the Universe; perhaps we only copy it. We are nothing more than a shell believing itself to be an ocean because of the feeble imitation of sea sound.
Someone would say the fact that we are special in our ignorance is reason enough for praise. No, it is not. The Universe, in its infinite ability to create, designed even the human mind, this vacuum of cosmic conscience.
I was supposed to write about the military bases we're yet to set up in Colombia, but unfortunately I've accidentally ended up in La Paz-Bolivia. My bad!
However, since I was stuck there, I thought it would be a good idea to celebrate my birthday in that quaint little village of La Paz, named after El Paso, TX. The locals had arranged a hell of a party for me, as they believed me to be their god or something. They've brought me golden objects and bowls of food, placing them at my feet.
Beautiful latinas served me grapes and sang for me as I slept. That's the kind of welcome we Americans should receive from our subjects all around the world!
The downside were the various kinds of insects bugging me all the time, as well as the infernal heat in the brief shift changes between the women fanning me.
A beautiful cake was served. When I blew the candles, BANG! Everything went dark...
I woke up in the dirtiest bathroom in the whole southern hemisphere. Shackles held me to the ground and I couldn't walk more than five feet. I thought I had become another victim of Jigsaw or something...
After several hours in the dim light, a tiny latin man approached me. He uttered many incomprehensible words in a language I thought to be Quechua, something like "Carahoe, un green go". Then he tried a few words in English with an outrageous accent "You're our hostage! Your government will pay us many money as ransom! We'll record a video slitting your throat and they will pay us!"
A luminous idea poped up on my mind "Your plan won't work, amigo! If you slit my throat, the U.S. will have no reason to pay you anything because I'll be dead!" My captor got quite nervous since he realized his plan wouldn't work.
Finally, they've set me free in a crowded place and I've never saw them again. I've got on a plane and here I am now, safe and sound. I've felt like Ulysses in his Odyssey, subduing brute force with keen wits. An amusing trip mine was.
This revolutionary approach to the whole concept of sunscreen may put my own life at risk, as I'll be challenging a powerful industry by revealing these facts to the public (alas, a public of two people, but, anyway...). The beautiful game of capitalism has those little setbacks: they might take my life to keep my mouth shut. That's why people who reveal secrets should make use of pseudonyms. This morning, while I was showering, I realized I could no longer hold back this inconvenient truth. One of the rarest phenomena in the Universe, I might add, a person like me, a ruthless conqueror, casting aside his ego.
In direct and simple terms, I'll express the leitmotif of these revelations: SUNSCREENS DO NOT WORK, I repeat, SUNSCREENS DO NOT WORK AND ARE THE MAIN CAUSE FOR THE GREAT INCREASE OF SKIN CANCER CASES IN THE LAST DECADE.
Right, some proof is required after a sentence like that. Very well... I'll give you a list of strong evidences.
Before that, however, let's assume a fact that you may or may not regard as true: THE HOLE IN THE OZONE LAYER IS A LIE perpetrated by leftist vegans who want to undermine capitalism's capacity to generate wealth. Again, it doesn't matter if you believe that or not, it's just a background for the series of arguments I'll be developing.
The Ozone Layer lie is perpetrated by leftist vegans only? I now have found strong evidence that not only these idealistic children are interested in the idea that the Sun will burn us down to ashes, but also SUNSCREEN industries! They've designed and forged evidences to that theory and anonymously released it to the public, through the press and a few selected individuals spread around the globe. The hysteria took place and everyone went looking for a solution.
The solution found? SUNSCREEN, a product that (allegedly) protects against harmful Sun rays. But is it a product really efficient against Sun rays? As far as statistics can talk, they deny that fact. As the number of cases of skin cancer has increased dramatically in the last years, the number of people using sunscreen has grown larger than ever. Would the skin cancer jump be explained by the supposed hole on the ozone layer? Or by the use an unproven and possibly innocuous cream that gives us carte blanche to spend several hours in the Sun?
Is it too wicked for a human being to invent a cream which only alleviates the symptoms of Sun burns, denying the skin its own process of healing and the pain which makes us extra careful with the affected areas? Is it too far-fetched? Germans felt the same way about concentration camps.
A conclusion we can arrive to after these arguments: SUNSCREENS have helped to increase the number of skin cancers, because they offer palliative relief from Sun burns and let us spend several hours unprotected under the King Star.
Scientific evidence also suggests that sunscreens block the buildup of vitamin D when they block the ultraviolet radiation. Vitamin D, as recent studies have shown, prevents up to 77 forms of cancer in women. On the other hand, the toxic ingredients of sunscreens are carcinogenic on their own, and were never tested or approved by the FDA.
A naive teacher once held a speech encouraging newly graduates to wear sunscreen because of the death of his wife by skin cancer, along with other aesthetic truths. Why did that speech become known in the four corners of the Earth? Sunscreen industries loved it, as it could have easily been the text for a (long) advertisement campaign.
After these ideas I've humbly tried to plant on your minds, judge for yourself:
Evil Morales, the little dictator of one of the insignificant southern countries which weight America down, Burdenlivia, declared one of our diplomats "persona non grata", expelling him from from his office last monday. Apparently, the diplomat was plotting against the dictator, which is evidently true. Nonetheless, we feel extremely disrespected by the action, not only because he considered one of our own worse than his third-world countrymen, but because we'll end up with another Mexican inside our borders - the newest Bolivia's "persona non grata" is called Francisco Martinez.
By the way, how do we let a Mexican occupy one of our most important public functions? How do we let a foreigner speak for us in the outside world? No wonder everyone hates America! If true Americans were doing that job, the world would have no choice but to bow down to our will.
May a 21th century's General Custer step forward and shoot down that bloody indian! We're being too compassionate with South America, because of more pressing matters overseas. Now that the War on Terror is implemented and well on its way to a victorious closing, we may once again look down to our geographic step stool and remove the leftist governments which plagued the region for the last decade. Our bases in the New World must be strong before we can jump to the domination of Eurasia.
Clearly Barack Osama has a dim comprehension of these facts. Fortunally, his comprehension of anything is dim, so he won't be able to deconstruct anything erected by Caesar W. Bush. Let's sit and wait for the final takeover. Even now, plans are being made, and it won't be long before they're put in motion. _______ Those unaware of the Easter Bunny threat should click here.
