The Sunscreen Myth

This revolutionary approach to the whole concept of sunscreen may put my own life at risk, as I'll be challenging a powerful industry by revealing these facts to the public (alas, a public of two people, but, anyway...). The beautiful game of capitalism has those little setbacks: they might take my life to keep my mouth shut. That's why people who reveal secrets should make use of pseudonyms. This morning, while I was showering, I realized I could no longer hold back this inconvenient truth. One of the rarest phenomena in the Universe, I might add, a person like me, a ruthless conqueror, casting aside his ego.

In direct and simple terms, I'll express the leitmotif of these revelations: SUNSCREENS DO NOT WORK, I repeat, SUNSCREENS DO NOT WORK AND ARE THE MAIN CAUSE FOR THE GREAT INCREASE OF SKIN CANCER CASES IN THE LAST DECADE.

Right, some proof is required after a sentence like that. Very well... I'll give you a list of strong evidences.

Before that, however, let's assume a fact that you may or may not regard as true: THE HOLE IN THE OZONE LAYER IS A LIE perpetrated by leftist vegans who want to undermine capitalism's capacity to generate wealth. Again, it doesn't matter if you believe that or not, it's just a background for the series of arguments I'll be developing.

The Ozone Layer lie is perpetrated by leftist vegans only? I now have found strong evidence that not only these idealistic children are interested in the idea that the Sun will burn us down to ashes, but also SUNSCREEN industries! They've designed and forged evidences to that theory and anonymously released it to the public, through the press and a few selected individuals spread around the globe. The hysteria took place and everyone went looking for a solution.

The solution found? SUNSCREEN, a product that (allegedly) protects against harmful Sun rays. But is it a product really efficient against Sun rays? As far as statistics can talk, they deny that fact. As the number of cases of skin cancer has increased dramatically in the last years, the number of people using sunscreen has grown larger than ever. Would the skin cancer jump be explained by the supposed hole on the ozone layer? Or by the use an unproven and possibly innocuous cream that gives us carte blanche to spend several hours in the Sun?

Is it too wicked for a human being to invent a cream which only alleviates the symptoms of Sun burns, denying the skin its own process of healing and the pain which makes us extra careful with the affected areas? Is it too far-fetched? Germans felt the same way about concentration camps.

A conclusion we can arrive to after these arguments: SUNSCREENS have helped to increase the number of skin cancers, because they offer palliative relief from Sun burns and let us spend several hours unprotected under the King Star.

Scientific evidence also suggests that sunscreens block the buildup of vitamin D when they block the ultraviolet radiation. Vitamin D, as recent studies have shown, prevents up to 77 forms of cancer in women. On the other hand, the toxic ingredients of sunscreens are carcinogenic on their own, and were never tested or approved by the FDA.

A naive teacher once held a speech encouraging newly graduates to wear sunscreen because of the death of his wife by skin cancer, along with other aesthetic truths. Why did that speech become known in the four corners of the Earth? Sunscreen industries loved it, as it could have easily been the text for a (long) advertisement campaign.

After these ideas I've humbly tried to plant on your minds, judge for yourself:

Evil Morales expels U.S. diplomat

Evil Morales, the little dictator of one of the insignificant southern countries which weight America down, Burdenlivia, declared one of our diplomats "persona non grata", expelling him from from his office last monday. Apparently, the diplomat was plotting against the dictator, which is evidently true. Nonetheless, we feel extremely disrespected by the action, not only because he considered one of our own worse than his third-world countrymen, but because we'll end up with another Mexican inside our borders - the newest Bolivia's "persona non grata" is called Francisco Martinez.


By the way, how do we let a Mexican occupy one of our most important public functions? How do we let a foreigner speak for us in the outside world? No wonder everyone hates America! If true Americans were doing that job, the world would have no choice but to bow down to our will.

May a 21th century's General Custer step forward and shoot down that bloody indian! We're being too compassionate with South America, because of more pressing matters overseas. Now that the War on Terror is implemented and well on its way to a victorious closing, we may once again look down to our geographic step stool and remove the leftist governments which plagued the region for the last decade. Our bases in the New World must be strong before we can jump to the domination of Eurasia.

Clearly Barack Osama has a dim comprehension of these facts. Fortunally, his comprehension of anything is dim, so he won't be able to deconstruct anything erected by Caesar W. Bush. Let's sit and wait for the final takeover. Even now, plans are being made, and it won't be long before they're put in motion.
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Those unaware of the Easter Bunny threat should click here.