Britney Spears is dead...

... in my fantasies. What happened to the Lolita that filled our imaginations with lusty promises of sexual scandals, orgies held by presidents fueled by cocaine and "accidentally" released home recordings of unimaginable sexual exploits?

I care not for her well-being. I'm just worried at the possibility that she'll never make it to the headlines as a protagonist in a sex scandal... Will she only appear throwing babies out of windows and piercing the eyes of paparazzi?

Britney, recover, get some exercise. We're right by you side, waiting like jackals for the smallest slip!

Oh, and this just came in... Britney Spears... caught...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS ASTONISHING! BRITNEY SPEARS WAS CAUGHT WITH PANTIES! AMAZING! THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED!
Check out for yourself: