Interview with Jesus Christ.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, believe me if you can! We've managed to translate an ancient manuscript we've found in an amphora buried in my backyard, and it was revealed to be an authentic interview with no one less than Jesus Christ, our Savior! We haven't yet figured out who would be the man asking questions, that's why we will share the contents of the interview with the online world, so that people from all around the Atlantic Mare Nostrum can give their opinion! The manuscript reads as it follows:

"Hail Jesus Christ! Could you say hello to the 1% of people who can read us?"

"Hello to the 1% of people who can read us!"

"Ah, I see that your accent in Latin is worthy of any roman! How did you manage to learn so many languages?"

"You see, some tongues..."

"Tongues of fire fell from the sky and made you capable of speaking in any language?"

"Oh no, not me..."

"Ahh, so the tongues of fire fell from the sky over the heads of your followers and made THEM capable of speaking any language? What a miracle, praise the Lord!"

"No, I don't have..."

"You don't have permission from the Heavens to speak of the things of your father because the tongues of fire have yet to fall from the sky someday in the future. My God, even time itself is nothing compared to you, is it not true?"

"Actually, time is..."

"Time is the destroyer of worlds, is it not? Oh, I'm mixing up religions. Ehrm... So, Emmanuel, what the deal with Mary Magdalene?"

"Oh, she's..."

"She is the bearer of your child, is she not? The Son of the Son of God, which would make Jehovah a Grandfather, more than a Father. Jesus, one thing that intrigues me: how could you make such a mess in the Temple and leave without any kind of punishment in those harsh days in the ancient world?"

"Oh, but..."

"But of course, you're the son of God, so anything that we can't explain in the Good Book is a miracle happening! Praise the Lord! One last question... did you actually meant that rich people couldn't ever reach the Kingdom of Heaven?"

"Well, rich people..."

"Of course not! A camel going through the eye of a needle isn't something impossible, right? Since by "needle" the ancients actually meant huge passes between pointy rocks in the desert with the exact shape of a needle! That's a relief... For a moment there I thought you were a communist! But, one last question, and now I mean it... "

"Enough! I've had enough of you questions! Stop putting words in my mouth, god damned!"

(moment of silence)

"A blasphemer!!! Crucify him! Crucify him! Crucify him!"

(a mob gathers in seconds, he's crucified, resurrects in the third day, saves us all from doom and goes back to Heaven, but not before sowing the seeds of a huge religion with several branches that would enslave us for thousands of years to come and motivate several of the worst massacres in the human history)

"NOT MY FAULT!"

(all right, all right, I agree)